When my brother and my sisters and I get together there is always plenty of nostalgic, happy laughter, for we have so many hilariously good memories of growing up in a family blessed by parents who clearly loved God, each other and each of us. Now, we lived a typically hectic life; busy and full of ups and downs, both good times and hard times–times of celebration, but also times of discouragement and of course, misunderstandings and the occasional fight. Yet through all of these times, we never failed to see the consistent, loving faith of our parents and their constant care for us. In our recollection of those days there are many, many more memories of laughter and love than there are of anger or tears.

We still miss our godly father who left us to be with the Lord five years ago. His love for Christ, his desire to serve Him; his love for our mother and his commitment to prove that love each and every day; and his love and support for each of us as their children, individually. We praise God that we still have our mother, who has always been faithful in loving and serving God, our father, and again, each of us. However, it is her burden and ours to bear, that for some years now her mind has been increasingly shadowed by Alzheimer’s disease. At first it was others who noticed her forgetting details, which eventually curbed her volunteer work through our church. Then, our children, (having returned to the U.S. for university while we were still in Nigeria),  seeing her and our father interacting at home, started noticing her lapses of memory in carrying on with day-to-day activities. It eventually got to the point when neither she nor our father were getting proper nutrition–she could not remember whether they had eaten or not. She certainly could not keep up with the medications they were supposed to be taking.

So we as their children had to convince them to move to an apartment next door to my sister and her husband. This worked well, though it was certainly demanding for the caregivers, until our father died. Then it soon became clear to her and the family as a whole, that she needed a different setting, where she would receive specialized care for those with memory issues. Since then she has been housed in assisted living facilities.

Since that time she has gradually lost more and more of her ability to express herself, to live in the actual moment and to recognize and converse with other people. We are grateful to God that she continues to know us as her children almost all of the time.

Lately, as we visit with her, she very much enjoys our time together, particularly when we read Bible stories together.  Still, she often begins a sentence, gets lost, and has to be assisted in finishing her thought. She often gets frustrated with herself and her fading memory. She also misses our father and enjoys remembering all of the good times we all had together when he was with us.

Just this past week, at the end of one of our regular visits, I asked her to pray for us, that is Becky, my wife, and myself. She took Becky’s hand and and mine in her own, and prayed a deep and heartfelt prayer for her family, even confessing that while there are times she does not understand, she knows that God’s Way is best. Her prayer flowed naturally, with no hesitation, with no searching for the next word or thought. This prayer touched me deeply, as I realized that her spirit, the Child of God part of her, is very much intact and is still whole. Her mind is slipping but her spirit is strong in her love for God and for her family. God still has her right in the palm of His hands. What a blessing!

. . . and now even so she prays,
reaching out and taking our hands,
her mind for these moments
free from the shadows
and tangles
plaguing her memories
tattered by this hideous disease
that stops her in mid-sentence
so she has to ask you
what she was saying;
this affliction
that puts questions in her eyes
sometimes for just an instant
as she wonders who you are
until your voice,
or maybe hearing
your sweet name,
returns the spark
of recognition
and delight
in her too often fearful eyes;
these darkening shadows
that chaotically confuse
memories in her mind
while people, places and times
dance around all out of step
never settling down . . .
but now even so she prays
for each of us
and there’s a sweetness
in her words
as she finishes,
a wonder once again
in her eyes . . .
and I praise God
for this glimpse
inside her still true soul–
and I know,
though her failing mind
battles on,
her indomitable
reborn spirit
by Jesus’
love and grace,
still rests
faithful
in His ever faithful hands.

M.S.
November 13, 2019

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.

Lamentations 3: 22-25